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I am here to let myself know, so I can come to the realization of how this has to be...
It's not my way that they need to live or be, but their's !
I never wanted to come to this end...where I feel I dont want to be a part of what they chose to be...or what they want to do with their youth..I just have to let them be and let them grow into the individuals they want to be...It hurts that I cant influence my own so that they can be better than I have ever been ...and live better than they can see fit for their own well being's .
I feel I have succeeded with my oldest but the other is lost to a life style of destruction in the company of hurt and pain ...It's a road I cant follow or change since we have to walk most on our own like I have for so long before I came to the place I am today...
I pray it will be soon the lost one can be found and when that day or night comes I promise I will be there for every moment of despair they may feel to show that they are found and in my arms and heart they can rest ...My children I will wait for ...And for my youngest I will comfort when the time comes ...when she wakes ....
We can see writing in these pages if we have hope for a better heart ...a serene existence to live in peace .....